CNY is right round the corner, and i'm feeling the excitement already. Are u excited yet? Hhahaha... i'm kinda distracted and is just thinking about next monday and tuesday.

Tmr and sunday will be used to do whatever last minute shopping and preparation there is to be done.

While i'm excited, i'm also very sad. This is the first year i have to face without my grandpa, and i know i will feel it very strongly when i visit my grandma's place. For the past few years, i would go to my grandparents' place excitedly and take photos with my grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins. To a certain degree, i wanted to create as many memories as possible. This year, half the family has chosen to go to Gentings for the first few days of Chinese New Year because we cannot "celebrate" it anyway.

The person i'm most worried about is Grandma. It is her first CNY without her husband, and she will definitely be reminded of that fact when she cannot give angpaos this year.

It has been almost 4 months since Grandpa passed away, but i still miss him a lot. i miss him when i go to my Grandma's home. i miss him when i take the bus route i had to take everyday after he passed away. i miss him when i pass the void deck where his wake was held. i miss him even more when i watch the new channel 8 show called ΝΕΤ²·Ή. The senile old man is a perfect portrayal of how Grandpa was like before he became bed-ridden and speech impaired.

It has been almost 4 months... Yet everytime i think of Grandpa, i have to remind myself of the cold hard reality that he is no longer around.

This CNY, i tell myself that i'm going to focus on those who are living and make sure they can get past this year without all the sorrow.

But first, i needa deal with it myself.

Ah Gong, i still miss u. i really do.