WalkingInHisplans

the 5 Love Languages

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 06:19:15 GMT

The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said �I can live for two months on a good compliment.� Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is �Words of Affirmation.� Simple statements, such as, �You look great in that suit,� or �You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,� are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through �Words of Affirmation� is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person�s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for �Words of Affirmation,� offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It�s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don�t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it�s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don�t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate�s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It�s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren�t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It�s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other�s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

- taken from http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Dear and i should talk about this and continue to blossom our marriage. =) Maybe i should buy the book for him as a V day gift. But then he doesn't like to read, so that's not his "love language" and i would have failed. lol~

Excitement

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 02:55:08 GMT

i've just been invited to sing the march-in song for my friend's wedding.

Filled with honour while being a little scared, i shall use the 9 months before her big day to learn the song by heart. i told my friend i'll make sure i learn the song so well that i can even sing it backwards. hahaha... that's being very �� of course.

i'll also be her english emcee for the dinner.

So exciting when preparing for a wedding. Reminds me of all the prep i did and how everything leads to that special day.

Happy for my friend.

It's gonna be a weird CNY

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:40:42 GMT

CNY is right round the corner, and i'm feeling the excitement already. Are u excited yet? Hhahaha... i'm kinda distracted and is just thinking about next monday and tuesday.

Tmr and sunday will be used to do whatever last minute shopping and preparation there is to be done.

While i'm excited, i'm also very sad. This is the first year i have to face without my grandpa, and i know i will feel it very strongly when i visit my grandma's place. For the past few years, i would go to my grandparents' place excitedly and take photos with my grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins. To a certain degree, i wanted to create as many memories as possible. This year, half the family has chosen to go to Gentings for the first few days of Chinese New Year because we cannot "celebrate" it anyway.

The person i'm most worried about is Grandma. It is her first CNY without her husband, and she will definitely be reminded of that fact when she cannot give angpaos this year.

It has been almost 4 months since Grandpa passed away, but i still miss him a lot. i miss him when i go to my Grandma's home. i miss him when i take the bus route i had to take everyday after he passed away. i miss him when i pass the void deck where his wake was held. i miss him even more when i watch the new channel 8 show called ��Բ��. The senile old man is a perfect portrayal of how Grandpa was like before he became bed-ridden and speech impaired.

It has been almost 4 months... Yet everytime i think of Grandpa, i have to remind myself of the cold hard reality that he is no longer around.

This CNY, i tell myself that i'm going to focus on those who are living and make sure they can get past this year without all the sorrow.

But first, i needa deal with it myself.

Ah Gong, i still miss u. i really do.

Ushering in a new wave of change - Inauguration of President Barack Obama

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 03:29:48 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjnygQ02aW4

A historical moment, a new chapter, a new statement for African Americans.

Barack Obama is the first ever African American to become US president.

Barack Obama is really more of a multi racial representation, if you ask me. His mother is of English and Irish descent, his father a Luo from Kenya. After his parents divorced and his mother remarried, Obama lived in Jakarta, Indonesia till he was 10. Because of that he is able to speak Bahasa Indonesia. So basically, President Barack Obama is really American, European, African, and Asian, all rolled into one.

With the breakthrough of having someone so different from past presidents in the history of the United States becoming the 44th President, many ppl anticipate the wind of change that President Obama will bring.

Many African Americans were emotional as President Obama took his Oath and gave his first speech. i too was emotional, because i felt that this is indeed a moment that the once oppressed ppl have been waiting for.

i visited the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial site when i was living in the US, and the struggles that Dr Martin went through to advocate for equality is heart wrenching. With the inauguration of President Obama, Dr Martin's efforts are also seeing its fruits after all these years.

God bless America, and the whole world as this new era is ushered in.

Ever Ever After

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 07:49:23 GMT

It's a week after the wedding.

YES, we are MARRIED!!! Hahahah... i'm still feeling all weird when ppl call me Mrs Koh. Especially those few that can't seem to stop teasing me. hahah...

The Wedding was a blast, and Dear and i had so much fun! We both agreed that having the wedding over 2 days was indeed a great idea because we were already super tired with 2 days, what more rushing it all in one day.

We both thanked our family, friends, and people we know from all over the place, and even till now, we're still filled with gratitude. We can only say that we really thank God for seeing us through it all, and blessing us with such an unforgettable event.

As a bride, i was in a daze half the time. My cousin, Lingli, is right. She told me that everything will be in a blur (her wedding was one week before mine). i practically went through it all, not exactly knowing what i did or said.

i only remembered that i told myself i had to mention my beloved Ah Gong no matter what. And i did. i wasn't sure if the tears were of joy or of sorrow when i mentioned him. It ached me even more when i gave my thank-you speech in church and realised my entire family were tearing too. i felt bad when i saw them all crying. But i also knew that i won't forgive myself if i didn't mention Ah Gong at all. i know that no matter where Ah Gong is right now, he's happy that i've found someone whom i love and loves me.

Dear and i are also super thankful for all the help and blessings we received during the preparation period as well as on the 2 days. i thought i should mention all the people again.

Solemniser - Snr Pastor Rev Lawrence Lee
Master of Ceremony - Pastor Whitley Sim
Translator - Chen Jingxian
Scripture Reading & Prayer - Roy & Anne Ng
Receptionists - Jolynn Chew, Angeline Liew & Tay Xiulan
Exhortation - Pastor Eddy Chan
Worship leader - Elder Billy Chan
Vocalist - Jeannette Tan
Pianist - Daryl Chan
Keyboardist - Roseline Ching
Guitarist - Jinny Chua
Bassist - Jared Chan
Drummer - Benjamin Ang
Ushers - Daniel Lee, Deborah Lee, Wileen Chew, Sharon Kwan, Ng Ruoling, Faith Soong, Nicholas Liao, Marvin Chew
Videography - Beyond the Lens
Photographers - Jonathan Sim & Vincent Chan
Sound - Karen Loh
Multimedia - Colin Tan
Wedding Planning & Decorations - 100dot
Sword Party - Sean Kao, Ang King Kee, Loo Lie Yang, Samuel Chan, Xu Youxianf, Ng Weiliang, Royden Tan, Marc Tay, Tan Yongchin, Ng Tze Yang
Page Boy - Tay Weibin
Flower girls - Tay Bi Hsin, Natasha Ho

Of course, we have to thank our superb bridal entourage:

Groomsmen - Adrian Teng (aka Best man), Brandon Koh, Justin Ong, Sean Kao & Alex Choo

Bridesmaids - Gwen Lim (aka Maid of Honour), Tay Xiulan, Joanie Aw Yong, Grace Ng & Christalle Huang

Without any of u, the wedding would not have been the same. =) Thank God for blessing us with each and everyone of u.

Now for some unofficial photos my korkor took during the wedding. (i'll only collect the official ones after i come back from Langkawi). My kor forgot to bring the camera to the Church wedding so i only have those from the morning, and the dinner.

The unglam bride before the glam moments

The groom and his "army"

Taken by surprise when they were told to do the sabo at the car park

See that piggy bank in Ben's hand?
That was his way of getting back at the bridesmaids
He got $100 worth of coins in there.

And the guys start charging in
when Ben opens the door with a key i didn't know he had

He got his bride and he's super estactic!

Yup, he successfully "bashed" through my place

My dearest cousin, who's part of the bridal party

Didi receiving his first ever ang bao from us

My dear cousin also gets an angbao.

My handsome and suave hubby caught off guard when the camera is on him

i love this photo =)
The men i grew up with, my 2 wonderful brothers.

The ppl who love me no matter what,
and saw me through the past 25 years.

My family, my pillars of strength

The 2 cousins i grew up with,
under one roof.

My bestie, my maid of honour, my telepathy partner,
my so-different-yet-so-similar buddy

Think this was the 3rd or 4th of the 5 pairs of sword party who got us to do things before we were allowed to pass through.

Kor got a nice shot of the cake cutting.

The first of many kisses we had,
all thanks to an announcement that told dinner guests we had to kiss everytime
they clinked their glasses.

Our wonderful emcees of the night, Weiyi and Qing Ning.

Champagne popped, awaiting the family members to come on stage.

The stage full of ppl who were all set to do 3 super long toasts.

Our speech at the dinner.

The rest of the photos will be up once we're back from our short trip. Which also means there's gonna be more photos to put up, cos there'll be photos from our trip. =)

9 days left

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 08:30:55 GMT

counting with 2 hands....

9 days till the big day... i'm getting breathless... hahaha...

We settled the �� thingy last sunday, and now we're settling the table plan. i never thought the table plan would be so hard to do! i thought the itinerary would be harder, but well, i'm obviously wrong. hahaha... i can only pray that i have the wisdom to put the correct people in the same table. Don't wanna offend anyone with the seating arrangements.

Okay, here's some photos from the �� day.

1 month

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:21:32 GMT

It's been exactly a month...

i've managed to push myself through for a month, and busy myself with wedding prep, work and school.

Still, in the quiet moments, when i'm on the bus by myself, when i see an old man sitting by himself, when i look through the old photos, i think of him.

When i go to Grandma's, i half expect to see him lying in his room, but i am greeted by what has become a storage corner. Turning around to face the living room, i see an altar that was set up to remember him. And it hits me hard each time.

i dreamt of him last week. In my dream, he was lying down, gone, like that night i rushed home too late to say goodbye. In the dream, he suddenly sat up and i asked him if he remembered who i was, and he said he did, and went on about some stuff. Suddenly, he looked much younger... He talked a while more and then laid back down, and was gone again.

When i woke up, i remembered the details of the dream. i felt like i didn't want to wake up. i wanted to see him, and talk to him, and tell him how much i miss him. But well, i can't dream forever.

It's been exactly a month...

Reality is still slapping me real hard, but i don't know how to face it, accept it. He's not there anymore...

i know, i have to start on the healing process... i have to move on... But i'm just not ready... Not yet...

i miss u... i still do... and i wish i could see u again...

Hard to let go

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 09:18:06 GMT

It's been about 2 weeks, but everything is still surreal.

i find the truth, the reality, hard to swallow. Ah Gong is gone, it's real... After almost 25 years of knowing him, he's gone.

Whenever i'm alone, memories of him keeps flooding my mind. How he does the things he love, how he would show his love for us in his stern but firm way, how he would chew on his "ang hun", and how he's just the Ah Gong we all fear and yet love so much.

i went to his place last night, and as i sat in the living room, i couldn't help but stare at the table that is used to remember him. It didn't feel real at all, yet the table was right there, seemingly mocking my disbelief. i walked to his room, and stared at the space where he rested in the past 2 years... The cartons of drinks that are stored there seem to slap me in my face and tell me to wake up.

Many people have offered their condolences and comfort, and i really appreciate them. Some also try to console me further and tell me he's in a better place. i do agree, he's free from pain now, and (hopefully) in the loving arms of God. But as a granddaughter whom he used to take care of, even that thought can be hard for me to swallow.

Some friends console me and tell me this is part of life, and i will get over with time. i do agree that life and death is part and parcel of life, but it whacks me real hard when it's someone whom i'm so close to. i don't even know how much time i will need to finally accept reality.

There're also friends who tell me that he'll be there to witness my wedding, at least from where he is now, and he will still be happy for me. That i do know too, but no one can comprehend my pain when all i've been praying for is that he can see me get married. i'll be the first grandchild to get married, and i can just imagine how my grandpa will beam and smile when i do the tea ceremony, even though he can't speak. The thought of not being able to let him enjoy that moment will prick me forever, and it will be a regret that will stay with me.

2 weeks after he's gone, i'm still in a state of shock.

i do try to let go, but everything seems to cling to me, and it's simply too hard to shake off.

Bit by bit, people may say. Bit by bit, i will let go... Maybe, in the long long run. How long, i don't know. For now, i only know i can't even be alone for long...

i met Colin at Compass Point on monday and because i was early, i had to walk around by myself. It was like living hell as memories of how i was walking around at that very place when Ah Gong was running out of life, flooded my mind. i wanted to run out of the place... i just couldn't stay there all by myself.

As each day passes, Ah Gong, i miss u even more... i can only pray that u're at a much better place now.

CNY 2008, with Ah Ma and Ah Gong

Trouble with reality

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 12:28:31 GMT

i'm having problems with reality.

Finding it extremely hard to accept the truth.

Walking past the room where Ah Gong's bed used to be, i find it empty.

Where Ah Gong used to lay, cartons of drinks left from the funeral wake are stored.

Keep wishing i could turn back time, so that i had at least rushed home to be by his side.

Every time i fall asleep, the dreams somehow link to him.

Every waking moment, i keep wondering if everything is real.

The wedding preparation has to go on, but it hits me even harder when i realise he won't be there.

Having to run the errands make me tired...

Somehow, i manage to smile from time to time.

When all is quiet and i am on my own, i wonder again.

Is it real?

It's been almost 7 days, yet everything seems like a dream.

Everything seems so surreal.

In front of the heartbroken, i don't dare to shed a tear.

i have to be strong, especially in front of Grandma and Er Gu.

Inside my room, as i go through the photos, i break down.

Somehow, some time, i have to come to terms with reality.

Ah Gong is gone... and all we have is memories...

In loving memory of Ah Gong

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 06:16:13 GMT

It's final.

Ah Gong is gone. His funeral and wake ended yesterday and everything is done. He is buried at the chinese cemetery in Chua Chu Kang.

i am still in shock.

Even though Ah Gong has been unwell for the past 4 years, his passing on comes as a complete shock to me. i think my entire family was caught off guard.

Ah Ma said she noticed Ah Gong's breathing wasn't normal on Sunday afternoon. By evening, he was very weak. At 8 plus at night, Ah Gong's situation took a quick downturn. At 9.03pm, Ah Gong left us.

Before all of us could rush to him, he had left. When i reached Ah Gong's home, the paramedics were confirming his passing on. i wanted to rush in to see him. i couldn't believe that he had left. i wanted so badly for him to see me get married. i'll be the first grandchild to get married in the family and i wanted Ah Gong to witness and be happy. But now, he's gone...

The past few days was a complete blur to me and my family. Sunday night, my cousin, and my aunt and i, we stayed up all the way to be by Ah Gong's side. Monday morning, my cousin and i ran around to settle some of the errands to be covered for Ah Gong's wake. Monday afternoon, the last time we all saw Ah Gong. He was put in his coffin and his coffin was completely sealed. We could see Ah Gong no more.

Monday night, the first night of the wake. Many relatives, friends, old neighbours and people who knew Ah Gong came to pay respects. The entire family ran around the void deck where Ah Gong's wake was held like a mad crowd. That night, i felt like i was floating around. Having not slept, i was completely running on adrenaline. As much i really appreciated all those who came to the wake, i felt very drained, physically, emotionally and mentally. When i finally went home to rest, it was about 1 or 2 am. Tuesday, everything repeated itself. We all ran around during the day, hanging up banners that people sent as condolence. At night, we entertained and thanked people who came to pay respects and be with us. Tuesday night, my 2 brothers, my cousin and i stayed up the entire night.

i dreaded Wednesday because Wednesday night was the last night of the wake, and it meant that Ah Gong would be buried soon.

Yesterday, the funeral was a complete blur to me. We walked and walked and wailed and wailed. At the void deck, the moment i saw the coffin being carried away, i couldn't stop wailing. At the cemetery, the moment i saw them lowering the coffin into the ground, i went hysterical. i couldn't handle the reality that was unfolding before me. Ah Gong is gone...

My dearest Ah Gong. He had always been a strict tradition Chinese man. He loved to travel and has been to many places.

When my cousins gathered to talk about our memories of Ah Gong, we all had many things to say. For my brothers and i, Ah Gong was our caregiver at one point. He would cook porridge everyday but would forget to look after the cooking and the porridge would always be burnt. We would refuse to eat the burnt porridge and Ah Gong would get angry and scold us. Ah Gong also brought us for breakfast when we lived with him. My brothers and i would mimic the way Ah Gong walks and follow him to the coffee shop down the road from home.

Ah Gong loved sitting at the door of his place and read newspaper there. In the evening, he would carry many piles of water out to water the plants in front of his place.

4 or 5 years ago, when Ah Gong started having dementia, he would forget who we are sometimes and would talk and talk about his younger days. The numerous hospital stays saw to the deterioration of his health. He got weaker and weaker, and each hospital stay got longer and longer. The longest stay was for more than one month. From walking to wheelchair-bound, from being able to talk to only staring and groaning, Ah Gong's health got from bad to worse.

Given that kind of record, we should have been more prepared for his passing on. But we had all thought he was more stable in recent months. Now that he's gone, everything seems so surreal.

Ah Gong, i miss u...

Chinese New Year 2008